not much longer

Only two days left of work (I’m skipping today, in my head)and Gordo and I will be chilling at home. Mom is coming next week and I am ecstatic, the company and the help are going to be great for all of us.  Went for a birth center tour Monday, very nice place with lots of little tiny humans. Most of them were sleeping, but one little dude (I assume all babies are dudes now) had big headlight eyes, probably thinking  What the #!@? He was so adorable, but I felt really bad, it must be such a shock with the lights and all these people staring at you. Yikes. The nurse spoke about the importance of skin to skin contact and keeping your baby with you as much as humanly possible. I’m pretty assertive, but I will likely depend on Angel to holler for the baby, I’m told the whole process leaves one a little tired and hazy.

I’ve been struggling a little with identity questions, who will I be once I am no longer only responsible for me? Then I look around and see that other people still manage to have a life outside of the little muckter, so why wouldn’t I? Overall I think this has affected me in a positive way, I must control my thought patterns as they can affect the baby, I am going to work on retaining this skill. I actually don’t worry like I used to, at least not for as long. I went through a little phase of worrying about Angel, wanting to keep him in my sight so I know he is safe. I only ever did that before with Dad, likely some sort of instinctive reaction to becoming interdependent. Whatever it is, I have been getting really good at pushing the fears away and I hope this helps with worrying about little man. He seems to be anxious to get out, I doubt he has much room though he still manages to roll up a pretty good punch.  He is full term at the end of this week according to the literature, I am really looking forward to meeting him.